Supposed to be leaving for PBP tomorrow but...

Feeling sad and left out today. Tomorrow was the day Steve and I were going to France to ride in Paris Brest Paris/PBP. Instead, I'm not packing, not riding, and not going. Sucks to be injured gain. So many of our friends are going and we will have to cheer them on in our thoughts.

We've waited so many years to go and then after the car accident and all of the surgeries it is so bittersweet to know I would have made it. To know what I/we went through to get me back riding and to get through all of the qualifiers. To get so close-yet to be soooo far away from being there. Four more years. This can be a life time. Especially knowing how short life can be.

Now my days are spent meditating (to get through the agony of another surgery), rehabbing, getting work back on track, and morning the loss of not going to something that meant so much to us and took so long to get to.

The worst feeling is that I cannot show that I was pulling off a great come back. To show myself that I was able to coach myself back onto the bike and back into the qualifiers and then through PBP. That I would not let Steve down.  Even I wasn't sure if I was going to pull it all off. So close. Weeks away.

So this week will be had to get through and will be even harder at the time of the start. But, as one lovely dear neighbor wrote to me. "You've been here before, and you can  do it again. And you will". She sees in me something that I hope I never lose. Determination. Something great coming from a spunky lady who is 86 years old. Lived in Alaska, built a house in the Boulder mountains (when there was only a dirt road to her house). I bet she's overcome a lot in her life time. She's a terrific friend to have.

On a good note. Saw the hip surgeon today. I can now place weight on my leg and occasionally walk solo across the kitchen and soon across the gym floor. Yahoo. Life is looking up. Only a few weeks left and then rebuild all of the muscle. Oh can also get on the trainer. That will happen tonight after work!

Looking at the positive is very important. Keep looking forward. One foot in front of the other.

Four more years.